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16 October 2011 @ 12:10 am
Love Remnants (I Will Stay)  
Title: Love Remnants (I Will Stay)
Pairing: Onew/Key
Genre: Angst
Rating: R (implied violence and smut? lol nothing hardcore though -3-)
Warning: english is not my first language :)
Summary: Kibum was trying to protect their love. Jinki was keeping the reassurance for himself.
A/N: a sequel for Fading, Fear


Jinki would always come home at 7, with different things to offer for everyday. Sometimes flowers, sometimes clothes, sometimes just things we surprisingly need for our food stock, and sometimes the simplest thing like his gentle smile and shower of kisses, which all would left flutters in my chest.

We live a perfect life where we hang onto each other, where trust would never hard to get, and the worry of being alone would never be consented.

Or so I thought

---

“Who is he?”
Was the start of his jealousy.

I defended myself, I protected what we had. We never tainted this relationship, and I wanted to keep it like that. But he rejected them all, he turned me down. He blocked all my words, which left me questioning; does he love me for real?

It was the first time I received this kind of feeling. The sting on my cheek was still burning, even after I buried my face on my pillows, sobbing.

I woke up to his touch, the flushed skin of my cheek still being sensitive with any slight contact.

Before I tried to move back and show how I despise him for the moment, his lips captured mine and the cliché three words were able to melt my heart again.

“I love you.”

Maybe, just maybe, the thing we stumbled upon last night was just a misunderstanding. Maybe we should continue living like it was nothing part of our memory. We shouldn’t look back and trace the scar for any longer and it would eventually heal.

I smiled weakly.
It’s gonna work.

He loves me, I love him. It’s that simple, so I should stay.

---

I was wrong, it never seemed to work.

I often caught him lost in his thought, and it’s getting worse day by day. He hardly ever spared me a glance, and even if he did, it wasn’t a pleased one. I was terribly confused with this, but was also too scared to inquire.

The next thing I knew, we ended up avoiding each other, we barely talked. I never understood what had caused this, but the Jinki I used to know was no longer there to be asked.

I’ve heard about mood swing before, but I didn’t think his case was something similar to that. Something was wrong with him, I was aware of that. However, somewhere along the way, I got used to every single thing that he unpredictably did. I grew accustomed to the pointless arguments, and I figured his palm meeting my cheek wasn’t that much of a pain anymore. Even his rough treatment to me on bed, I took it all without complaints as I saw it as his way to relieve some stress.

I could easily run from him, I could just sneak out and go and pretend like he was no one, like the thing between us never happened.

But why would you do something like that to the one you love?

I’ll still stay.

---

Jinki would always come home at 7, with different things to offer for everyday. Sometimes his sudden cold treat during dinner, sometimes harsh snaps and shouts of nonsense, sometimes the bang of the front door and crash of plates and sometimes just the simplest thing like his rough grab on my chin and tugs on my hair before he then took me by force.

I would still be sitting on our couch every night waiting for him to come home.

Though sometimes, just sometimes, I would see that smile -that same soothing smile I almost came to forget by days. He would walk to the couch and kiss me gently, who later found that there’s nothing to worry about this side of him, the Jinki I loved. My arms would find their way to cling onto his shoulders, as he held me and lead us to bed. Dinner was long forgotten, all I had in mind was bunch of questions of why couldn’t everything stay this normal and simple, like the small and chaste kisses that we shared.

It was when I could feel safe once again, in his arms. No hits, no shouts. No tears and painful night. Just me and him, the two of us would be drowning into our made up world, where everything remained like how they should, where things like fear and distrust couldn’t live and wouldn’t.

“I love you.”

I smiled into the last kiss.
Me too, Jinki. You know that, right?

At nights like that, he healed my pain right away. He ceased my doubts to exist. And I just couldn’t stop myself to keep clutching onto that tiny bit of hope. That promise I made to myself would go back emerging to surface, bold and straight.

I will stay.

And at times like that, were when I would refuse to sleep, even after he closed his eyes and left me alone with my thoughts. I would be fully awake, enjoying the peace on his face, savoring the rare moment in his embrace, gaining energy for the next days, until the sun came and the reality flood back.

My faith of a better day ahead kept me holding on.

---

The bright light suddenly overcame my vision as I opened my eyes and I immediately narrowed my eyelids to lessen the twinge. I turned my head to my side and saw his hand dangling from the couch.

I had been lying on my stomach ever since I lost my consciousness, considering the stiff muscles on my chest and shoulders. I felt the rough fabric of the rug scraping against the small cuts on my torso when I shifted around to check the room. Of course it would still be messy, what did I expect?

My arms went supporting my body with much difficulty. A sigh escaped my lips when the pain on my back slowly came over me. I walked out limply from the living room after picking up my scattered clothes on the floor and turning off the light. I never bothered to see his sleeping face, I was scared the action at the moment would only diminish my vague reason to stay.

When I was about to reach the stairs, I heard something being dragged against the tiles. Later I found out that his belt was still circling loosely around my left wrist. My mind automatically replayed the scenes but I refused to recall them. I didn’t want it to be some sort of excuses for me to erase the self assurance I had been building for the past few weeks. I shook my arm to toss it away, and I hissed as its buckle accidentally scratched the welts on my wrist at the process.

The pain on my back became clearer, clear enough for me to neglect the thought of confirming the wounds through the mirror on the bedroom wall. The last thing I wanted right now was to cringe at the sight of my own body. I could only conclude that this was the worst night of all.

I collapsed onto the bed, not caring how horrible it would feel to sleep in this kind of state. I just wanted to rest for now. But my eyes seemed to think differently. I wiped the tears away with a hope that they would stop flowing, but I merely gave up until a couple of tries.

I was too busy huddling up in pain and grief that I failed to notice his presence behind my back until he finally lied down and hugged my waist from behind. I stopped crying instantly, I was scared he wasn’t finished with me and decided to take matters differently on bed. I forced myself to steady my breath while his palm was rubbing my stomach, maybe if I pretended to sleep he would leave me alone.

I never saw this one coming, though. I could feel his lips planting a gentle kiss on the nape of my neck, and I recognize that feeling right away. He was the Jinki I loved.

“I love you.”

I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore, a quiet sob echoed in the room. As the strength to hang onto the love remnants returned, I hoped those three words would always be able to convince me to stay.

Me too, Jinki.
Me too.


 
 
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( 10 beams of light — Shine Your Way Through )
heavenloveheavenlove on October 15th, 2011 06:43 pm (UTC)
this was somehow angst, but its still beautifully written!
i've enjoyed it! ^^ oh well, i was worried for key bby when i knew onew has started to abuse him, but then i was kinda worried for onew because i thought key was gonna leave him eventually. but he didnt. he hung on to the hope that onew still loves him. strong boy. ^^ oh well, i would have left long time ago if i were him. HAAH!
do write more fics! ^^
f(412)amber_serkly on October 15th, 2011 10:26 pm (UTC)
thank you! :)
haha I was worried too at first :D
'should I make him leave?? or will it be better if I make him stay??' lol that kind of amateur writer's crappy thoughts XD
as much as I love angst and despite Kibummie's misery, I hate a brokeupOnKey XDD so this is the fail result
I will, I will ^^
lulu1342lulu1342 on October 16th, 2011 01:59 am (UTC)

Love, love LOVE IT!!!!!!(*^◯^*)

f(412)amber_serkly on October 16th, 2011 02:15 am (UTC)
thanksthank you! :)
emptycavernemptycavern on October 16th, 2011 07:03 am (UTC)
You write beautifully, my dear. Really beautifully :)

This was as heartbreaking as the first one but so good at the same time. I wished one of them would realise the seriousness of the problem and seek help, I don't want to see it breaking them apart individually ):

Still. Their love is so strong that it can still hold them together, despite everything.
Thank you for writing such a good piece <3
f(412)amber_serkly on October 16th, 2011 07:42 am (UTC)
aww, thank you ;v;
hmm I guess both of them were too scared to do that, considering that they couldn't even communicate normally with each other :<
errr i don't know whom to be blamed >__<
anw, thank you so much for reading! :D
chocolatheiatheia88 on October 16th, 2011 02:12 pm (UTC)
omg i feel like jinki is having two different personalities which i hate. sometimes he's nice and sometimes he's scary beast.. God i don't get it why Kibum could still stay. i mean if it's me, i'll be just runaway lol. why my otp have to be like this? *sobs* i kinda think onew has some mentality disorder or something because of his fear of losing someone..that's not good... poor kibum :(
f(412)amber_serkly on October 16th, 2011 03:06 pm (UTC)
every single thing that you mentioned is right :)
Jinki does have some kind of psychological problem; something like emotional burden because of the unnecessary worry :<
but of course, of course, Kibum would still stay, he loves Onewwww :3
lol sorry~ XD OnKey is my OTP too, but I dunno why I love to make them suffer :P
thank you for reading! XD
justcallme_lisajustcallme_lisa on October 16th, 2011 02:31 pm (UTC)
this is soooo sad T^T...
but i love it,, ^^
f(412)amber_serkly on October 16th, 2011 02:44 pm (UTC)
thanks for reading! ^^
( 10 beams of light — Shine Your Way Through )